Metal Gravity Falls
by Space Keet
Summary: Shitpost disclaimer they use the boat to get to a safe distance, not realising time. or space for that matter might not be working right. So they end up in 1984, in the Seychelles waters. Blame Stan for suggesting trying to fish outside the bubble to pass the time Gravity Falls and Metal Gear Solid 5 crossover, though that might've been obvious.
1. A Prologue

Heavy footsteps made the old floorboards within the shack creek and groan, Stanley Pines pacing back and forth, trying to make up a good plan of action to beat Bill. Ford and the Great-Niblings regard Stan with a curious eye, trying to figure out what he's thinking. Dipper and Mabel watch their Gruncle Stan's face, blank with thought, looking for a clue to what he's thinking. Stan stops pacing and faces his family and grins.

"Who's up for fishing outside the bubble?" he asks and Ford looks at him, startled.

"Stanley, we don't know if that's a good idea, time and space may be unpredictably altere-"

"Nerd talk, nerd talk, c'mon Poindexter it'll be fun!" Stan throws Ford a fishing rod.

"I think fishing would be fun, confusing that evil triangle might just be a plan in itself!" Mabel exclaims, running up to the brothers.

"Even if time and space is out of whack, I'm ready to roll those dice," Dipper says limping forward to stand by his sister.

"Alright, we'll go fishing, after all what could possi-"

"Wait Gruncle Ford don't finish that sentence!" Mabel interrupts waving her arms as Dipper and Stan look worriedly at Ford. Ford spots his boat from the corner of his eye.

"I'm not even going to ask, just go and get your boat Stanley," he says, closing his eyes for thought and waving dismissively. Stan nods, easing it down to push it onto the trailer.

They took the Stanmobile to the lake with the boat and set it in the water. The rim of the bubble cuts across the middle of the lake, like a translucent wall. Ford stands at the shore and somberly looks at the wall of magic and time swirling together.

"Oi Poindexter! Get yer head out of the clouds and help!" Stan yells at his brother. Ford snaps out of his trance and goes over to assist. Leading it to the end of the jetty, Stan waves them all in.

"Alright kids, Poindexter! Get comfy, this might be very weird!" he exclaims jokingly, Ford looking on unamused.

"To adventure!" Mabel exclaims, standing on front of the boat. Dipper puts on the life vest and winces as it rubs on his wounds. Stan grins and turns on the motor, it sputters and coughs before they lurch forward suddenly, kicking Mabel on top of Dipper and nearly flinging Ford off.

"How old is this boat, Stanley?" Ford asks.

"Dunno, I stole it," he answers nonchalantly and Ford sweatdrops. As they got within five metres of the wall, an odd feeling started to surface in their guts.

"I feel weird," Dipper states.

"What else is new?" Stan asks and Dipper glares at his Gruncle.

"Dipper's right, I feel weird too," Mabel groans, as Ford puts a thoughtful look on his face.

"It could be because of the magical energy the bubble is giving off," Ford explains, not really expecting his brother to agree. He is surprised when Stan nods. The engine of the boat sputters and stops, letting them drift closer to the bubble eerily humming away. The Twins pick up the paddles from the boat's floor and start to guide them to the bubbles edge.

"Dipper, poke it with the paddle," Stan directs and Dipper looks at him.

"Why me?!" he yells. Ford raises a brow at his brother and takes the paddle from Dipper's hands.

"I'll do it, you don't know what will happen."

"Neither do you, Poindexter." Ford tentatively extends the paddle to the wall and lightly taps it. Ripples spread out on the surface and piercing noise causes them to plug their ears. Ford drops the paddle in the water. After the noise subsides, Ford fishes the paddle from the lake and returns it to Dipper.

"Well, let's go," He says and they nod, Mabel and Dipper paddling towards the wall. Crossing the barrier, they all felt their eyes start to droop...

Warm air started to filter into Ford's nose as he came to. They were all completely dazed and confused, the boat's gentle rocking tempting them to sleep again. Ford sunk back into the boat, it seems as if he is the only one awake.

A gentle thud wakes him again, along with everyone else. The hazy outline of a large structure protruded from the waves.

"Stanley, look up."

"Boss, before you head out today there was something I wanted to mention," a gruff looking man turns to face his lieutenant.

"The men say they picked something from the crane on the command platform, a boat. You should probably stop by on the way out."

"A boat, was there anyone on board?"

"Go to the medical platform, they didn't have time to tell me anything else."


	2. Kaz get that stick out your ass

Venom Snake jogged across the sunburnt metal to the medical platform, the red cross glistening in the evening sun. Kazuhira Miller is glaring into the window, not sure what to make of the new stowaways. Boss steps in beside him, raising an eyebrow. They must be the ones from the boat his staff collected earlier. The men are arguing between each other, and the children are sitting on the hospital bed next to them. None of them are particularly fresh, sporting various cuts and other injuries.

"I don't trust them, Boss," Miller mumbles, Boss staring intently.

"The men made a mistake in pulling them up, they said they were asleep. We should've left them to float, refugees be damned," he continues angrily until he's interrupted by a metallic hand.

"Calm down Miller, I came to see if the people in the boat are fine, not listen to you rant." Miller glowers into the window, and the man in the trench coat catches Miller's eye before turning to the others, pointing back at him. The man in the black suit holds Miller's eye, moves in front of the children and flips Miller the bird. He scowls and limps away, muttering about disrespectful old men. Boss watches him go before he turns back to the window, noticing the children can see him too. He turns his head to Quiet nearing him, nodding her head in greeting. It wasn't long before she disappeared again, leaving the door open to the medbay.

"Hey miss, you think you can get yer boss in here? We want to talk." Boss overhears the black suited man, going in before Quiet disturbs them further.

"You're their boss, aren't you? Stanford Pines, pleased to meet you."

Boss nods, "Welcome to Mother Base, have the medical staff treated you well?"

"Yeah! They gave me and my brother a lollipop! I'm Mabel by the way." Now that she mentioned it, Boss did note the lollipop stick sticking out of the children's mouths.

"They also gave me some burn cream for my burns, I'm Dipper."

"And I'm Stanley Pines, these are my and Ford's great-niblings, also that guy that was standing next to you, he was glaring at us a lot."

Boss sighs, "Pardon the rude interruption, I'll have to have a word with Miller. Quiet's mute by the way, don't expect any words."

"That bird I gave him made him bugger off," Stan says with a grin, Ford mirroring him.

"How did you find this base?" Boss asks.

"We went through a bubble that was screwing with time and space and now we're in the year 1982," Mable exclaims, running out of breath.

"You gave them a calendar?" Boss asks the head of medical staff, she shakes her head.

"No, 'Stanford' asked for the full date, Sir."

"Going through the barrier must've thrown us into the past," Ford theorizes.

"You two, you with these men?" Boss asks.

"Of course! They're our Great Uncles!" Mabel exclaims and Dipper nods in agreement.

Boss reaches for the doorframe, "Alright, stay here for a little while longer. Ocelot should be with you soon."

His boots echo down the corridor, leaving the children's mouths open in awe.

At least an hour passes, when another set of boots come down the hall. A rather well aged figure leans through the door. "Can I.. help you?"

"Finally, we've been waiting for ages! Who're you again?" Stan asks.

"Ocelot," he nods, "I take you've been introduced to the other two old men?"

"Yes we have," Ford conforms, "We aren't going to be let out of here any time soon, are we?"

"The kids can go free for now, there's plenty of staff to watch them. As for you two, come with me. Miller wants some words with you, nothing personal. Just protocol," Ocelot raises his hands.

Dipper and Mabel wandered around the command platform, gawking at the structure. As Ocelot stated, there is definitely a lot of staff to watch them, a dog started to closely follow them. It seemed to be keeping _an_ eye on them, literally, since it has one eye.

"Dipper I want to pet the dog that's following us," Mabel says, looking at the grey dog.

"Ok, I'll to call him over, c'mere!" Dipper says and the dog pads up to them. Mabel starts to pet the dog and he nuzzles into her, Dipper adding to the overwhelming attention.

"That's Dee Dee, he's apart of the family now since Boss found him as a puppy," a staff member says to them before walking off. Dee Dee frees himself from the twins and wanders off to who knows where. Dipper turns to his sister.

"Mabel I don't care if it has a name, we still have no idea where we are!" Dipper frantically says shaking her.

"Dipper, you're hitting me with your hat."

"Oh, sorry," he pats his hat, "but Mabel aren't you freaking out at all?!"

"...a little?" Mabel waves her hand in the maybe motion.

"Well I'm going to find Ocelot, you can either follow me or find the dog," Dipper offers.

"I'll follow you," Mabel says. Dipper walks to one of the staff members.

"Excuse me, but where would Ocelot go?" he asks.

"Uh, I saw him go that way, towards R&D platform," he says, pointing to the Northwest nods and scrambles away, leaving the staff member scratching his head.

"Who are those kids, anyway?"

Dipper arrives at the R&D platform, turning around when he heard frantic footsteps to Mabel heavily breathing.

"Sorry, I got distracted, I thought I saw the dog again," she stops, panting.

"Mabel, I need to find any clue I can as to where we actually are!"

"Slow down bro-bro! We'll find that out eventually. Hey why don't we ask Ocelot?" Mabel asks, pointing to the man standing across the pit.

"Well who did you think I was looki- Oh, there he is." Dipper adjusts his hat and marches over. Mabel skips after him.

"Now those kids seem pretty clued in, if you spot one of them getting into a place they shouldn't, don't hesitate to holler at 'em, speak of the devil?" Ocelot looks down.

"Mister Ocelot, Mabel and I were just uh… wondering where we actually are. She might be freaking out a little" Dipper put on more of an 'adult' voice, making himself sound ridiculous.

"I am not!" Mabel snaps, "Come on Dipper, did you even pat that dog?"

"Feelin' homesick? I'm sorry, I still can't tell you. You'd put everyone here at risk." Ocelot gestures to the row of men standing before him, all staring expectantly back at the kids.

"Oh, right. Yes o-of course. What do we even do, you've taken our Gruncles somewhere, haven't you?" Dipper sweats a little.

"Don't be so scared. Listen, it's getting dark soon. Each staff member usually bunks on their assigned platform. If you want, go over to where you came and I'd be with you soon. Your 'Gruncles' are safe and sound, don't you worry." Ocelot's easy features are quite calming as he waves the two off.

"See Dipper? There's nothing to worry about. You can freak out tomorrow, okay bro-bro?" Mabel happily ambles away, expecting him to follow.

Dipper sighs and looks to the ground, somewhat disappointed. "Alright, Mabel. If you're lucky you can find that dog again." He stands there for a bit before running to catch up to Mabel as they head back to the command platform.

Day turned to night as the twins did the slow walk across the bridges. Mabel couldn't help but stop and look at the sunset on the way, but soon they were finding themselves under a streetlight of sorts.

"Dipper, it's okay. You won't find the answers to everything within hours of being here. Think of it this way, whatever danger we just left behind hasn't even happened yet apparently."

Mabel's sunny disposition seemed to cheer him up somewhat, "Thank you, Mabel. I can't just sit back and do nothing though, otherwise we'd never get out, right?"

"That may not be such a bad thing, the people here are nice. We have all the time in the world, give or take a few years. I might even have some new people to try the Mabel Juice on!" Mabel almost jumps in place, Dipper raising a finger to speak but stopping in his tracks.

"Come on, Ocelot said we should find somewhere to rest here." He goes to a flight of stairs leading into the platform's building, Mabel following close behind with her usual grin.

After a mess of labyrinthine corridors, they eventually find an open door with an empty room.

"Sorry Mabel, there's no window. The beds look comfortable enough, though," Dipper sits on one of them and pushes down, there's quite a bit of give.

Mabel comes in and flops on her bed, getting a feel for the room. Obviously, it's not very colourful. She can't help but feel somewhat safe, though.

A familiar sound comes down the corridor. "I see you've already made yourself at home, feeling well?" Ocelot looks in.

"Yeah, we're okay.. I guess." Dipper picks himself up, "Mister Ocelot, what exactly are you doing with Stan and Ford?"

"I already said that you didn't have to worry. Cheer up kiddo, we've just taken them somewhere quiet to ask them a couple of questions. People don't usually just turn up in rickety boats every day, y'know." Ocelot thinks to himself for a moment, "While I think of it, is there anything you want to tell me while I'm around?"

Dipper raises and eyebrow, "I would, but I'm sure our Gruncles are explaining this crazy story to the other two far better than I ever will. I'm just saying we won't be getting into trouble. Why are you being so nice to us, anyway?"

"Well, that's just me. I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for you two, if everyone else is so busy. I mostly ease in new recruits, but a boat family who's lost their way? It's not that much different," Ocelot comes in and grabs a chair, he's preparing to be here a while.

"Wouldn't that make him a sorta-uncle, Dipper?" Mabel starts paying attention.

"You could think of it that way. If there's anything you want to know about the Boss or Miller, I can answer it." Ocelot nods in a knowing-father sort of way, sitting backwards in his chair.

"How long are those two going to be down there? Stan and Ford need somewhere to rest too!"

"It's been a while, Miller tires easily whenever he's giving someone the talk, but Boss is more of a mystery, he tends to be gentle and to the point. See if you can't guess which one has the temper by now." Ocelot chuckles to himself, "They'll be kind to you though, don't let Miller scare you."

Dipper tries to think of another question, pacing once or twice. It seems he's gone blank.

Mabel cuts in, "Where did you get that dog? He doesn't seem like a normal dog, still enjoys attention like one though!"

"Oh, Dee Dee? It's a long story, Boss found him while out on his travels. I mainly trained him, but you can't wean the dog out of a dog. I still catch some of the men feeding him leftovers. I'm not sure where he sleeps, if he even does." Ocelot looks into the distance for a moment, has he ever seen him curl up somewhere?

There's a small silence again, they can't think of anything to say. Ocelot takes the opportunity to carefully look them over, it seems they've been through a lot.

"Well if you two have nothing else for me, I'm going to have a look downstairs. If you need anything I'll be around places. Your… 'Gruncles' was it? They should be in the room next to you by morning." Ocelot stretches and returns the chair to it's spot, getting up to leave, "Get some rest, you two."

"Hmph, good night Mister Ocelot," Dipper yawns.

"It's just Ocelot, no need to be so formal," he trails off before shutting the door.

"See Dipper? They're nice, hopefully you can get some sleep on that. 'Night, bro-bro," Mabel turns over.

"Yeah, 'night Mabel." Dipper sits his hat on a table and hits the switch, the room goes dark.


	3. Stop freaking out, kid

Ocelot leads them there, "you two kids have fun now."

Stan and Miller enter into a staring contest.

"Miller, sit down and shut up, you two take a seat" Boss commands.

"It was nowhere near four o'clock when we left," Ford muses, looking at the clock on the wall, his back cracking into the chair he was given. He hears Stan groans into the chair next to him.

"Right you two, get it out quick. Why are you here, what do you want with us?!" Miller shouts accusingly at the two.

"Miller!" Boss cuts him off, "explain, how did you get here?"

Ford takes his chance, "We don't even know where we are, we aren't even from the same time as you, do you really think we came to sabotage your little operation here?" Miller shoots him a death stare.

"They probably wouldn't believe you if you said we crossed through some magical barrier doo-dad," Stan cuts in, ignoring Boss and Miller, "It's like being back in our childhood!"

"Hmph, what do you mean by that?" Boss shrugs.

"Don't listen to them, they've obviously been sent here by them. Erased their memories, subconscious programming!" Miller becomes ropable, he's not having any of this.

"Sent by who, my crazy brother?" Stan jokes, trying to ease the mood.

"What do you mean by 'them', Cipher?" Ford questions, rubbing his back.

Miller twitches, "See, Boss it's them! You can't trust them, get them overboa-" Boss raises a hand to Miller yet again.

"Miller, stop and think. Look at the equipment we confiscated, the R&D team hasn't seen anything like it. Especially this," Boss holds up Stan's TV remote, a rather benign item.

"You're actually going to believe them? Boss, you can't do this!" Miller buts in yet again.

"Look at them, they don't look the type. Back off for a minute, will you?" Boss calms him down, he can't afford another incident like Huey's.

"There has to be a misunderstanding, who's the 'they' you're referring to?" Ford asks, unusually puzzled.

Miller shakes his head and goes over to grab something, a small box-like object.

"Hey, a cassette player, I st-... had one while we were kids!," Stan points, "That was after I left."

Miller pushes a button to get the reels rolling. An unfamiliar voice plays, probably from an older mission's audio log.

"Come on you two, you recognise the voice of your superior don't you?" Miller tilts his head, waiting for an answer. They both shake their heads, "nope." Miller shows them a photo.

"Come on I'm jogging your memory!" he basically shoves the photo in Stan's face.

"Nope, still doesn't ring any bells," he replies, his temper slowly degrading.

"I have never in the multiverse seen anything like that," Ford says, further clueing in that they are not from this timeline.

"Miller, you're beating a dead horse," Boss whispers in Miller's ear, "I think they're fine, keep them busy. Send their things to the R&D platform, the men there might have some things to learn."

Miller reluctantly agrees, "Go find those kids and I'll put these two to bed, they could be more dangerous than them."

Boss has one of his rare smiling moments, nodding and getting the door on the way out. Stan breathes a loud sigh of relief. Miller commands them to stand and follow.

The sun had already crossed the horizon a while ago, Miller was pacing about like a headless chicken.

"Boss, there you are. Where did those kids go, what are they doing did they touch anything?!"

"Miller, calm down. I just put them to bed, they might've slept in," Ocelot strolls in from his morning walk, "doesn't seem like you to get worked up over some little kids."

Miller pauses, he's right. He was more paranoid over Amanda than any of her _compas._

"Boss, go check the R&D platform. I have a feeling they'd check the more interesting parts of the base. See if you can't bring them here. I already checked the older ones, they're really sleeping in," Miller leans in while Ocelot shakes his head and walks off.

"You two are too paranoid, learn to enjoy their presence will you?"

Boss takes one of 'acquired' jeeps to the R&D platform. It felt good to not have Miller in his ear for a while. He checks most of the hidey holes, before realising it's around breakfast time for the late ones.

The door opens to a lot of noise, and about a dozen salutes.

"Dipper look it's that guy again!" a childish voice says to his right and he turns his head to a particularly crowded table, Mabel and Dipper are the centre of attention. Boss leans to see that they're doing fine.

"Seems that you two made yourself at home, when you're done here Miller wants you at the command platform. Come see me when you're ready," he heads off to get a bit to eat with quite the commanding stride.

"Yes sir Uncle Boss!" Mabel salutes, trying to follow what everyone else did when he came in.

"Uncle?" Dipper questions.

"He seems nice enough, Dipper. the one in the hat seems really cranky though," Mabel says, cringing, "Maybe I should give him some Juice to cheer him up!" She looks back at Dipper, he just shakes his head.

The Twins finish up breakfast and go over to Boss. He seems to be in a sort of trance, so Mabel tugs on his shoulder.

"We're ready sir!" Mabel says, both saluting.

"Oh, yeah. Right," Boss takes his slice of toast with him, waving for them to follow.

Boss takes them out, both in awe of this soldier's sheer manliness. He might even exceed the Manotaurs. It's going to be rather hot, the warm wind whipping their faces already on the jeep ride over. Mabel caught Dipper trying to figure out how to drive the thing at least twice.

Boss leads them right inside, to a room with a funny smell. A two way mirror looks into a small area, complete with a large table and set of chairs.

"What's with the indoor window?" Mabel taps on the glass.

"One-way mirror, we can watch you but you can't watch us. Not easily anyway. Don't worry too much, you aren't in trouble." Boss nods to Miller, ' _Don't be too harsh'._

"Hmph, I've been waiting. I'll take it from here, Boss." Miller makes them take their seats, the air is a little close. Boss goes to tend to other things.

"Do you two know who this is?" Miller asks, holding up a photo. The kids just shake their heads.

"Nope, never seen him. Seen plenty of things like him though." Mabel responds rather quickly.

"Yeah, Gnomes, Gremlobins, Unicorns, A Multibear, Manotaurs, tons of weird stuff," Dipper follows up, a little scared of Miller. The glare he's giving them is enough to turn them to stone.

"You almost sound like hardened veterans, but it wasn't war you were fighting, was it?" Miller's confused, what a strange cover story.

"An Apocalypse," Mabel deadpans.

"Hmph, I guess it might not be so far fetched. Wait a minute, you. The one in the sweater, were you handing out glasses of a pink substance in the R&D mess hall a minute earlier?" Miller looks her over, it's almost unsettling how calm she is.

"Yup, that was me. I could make you some more Mabel Juice if you want some?" Dipper gestures to Miller while Mabel isn't looking, ' _Whatever you do, don't.'_

"That'd explain the visits to the medical bay earlier, all 30 of them," Miller growls under his breath.

"Oops, I guess I made it too sweet," Mabel says, Dipper facepalming in the corner.

"Do you know anything about this base, where you are, what we do. Are you here to sabotage us in any way?" Miller's pressing the point.

"No, no, no aaaaand no," Dipper says, "I couldn't even get a clear answer out of your cowboy, we're lost I keep telling you!"

Miller recoils, perhaps he _is_ being a bit harsh.

"Calm down, Dipper. He already said we weren't in trouble. Say, do you have any idea where that dog went?" Mabel gets up and stretches. It seems this whole thing went nowhere.

"Well, sorry. I'm obviously looking for something that's not there. Go on, get out of here. If you're wondering where your uncles went-"

"Gruncles," Mabel interrupts.

Miller sighs, "If you're wondering where your 'Gruncles' went, they were asleep when I last checked. Go get them breakfast or something, just be out of the way." The twins nod in unison.

"Really, nothing else?" Dipper questions.

"I would put you two to use, but what do you even… do?" Miller stops for a moment, holding the door open.

"I can scrapbook, knit, make electrical sweaters, fire a grappling hook," Mabel continues on for a while, Dipper waiting for his moment.

"I investigate conspiracies, I do pretty well academically, and obviously I work together with her. Even if some of the things she wants to do are… less than conclusive." Dipper adjusts his hat.

"Conspiracies…?" Miller thinks to himself, "Just, go for now. If we have reason to believe you could be useful somebody will come get you. Keep yourself occupied in the meantime and don't go anywhere you shouldn't."

"Yes sir Mister.. Miller sir!" They both salute, again. They quietly go back down the hallway.

Dipper and Mabel were doing their best to balance all of the things they were bringing in. The clinking of the cutlery could be heard all the way down the corridor. After an awkward juggle, they knock with their shoes.

"Gruncle Stan, Gruncle Ford, we have breakfast!" Mabel says, behind a coffee cup and toast with jam.

"Oh Mabel, come in!" Ford says.

"Could you open the door please, we can't," Dipper says and the door opens to Ford and Stan sitting in a room also without a window.

"Let me grab those off of you two," Ford says as he grabs the trays of breakfast off of the twins and gives one to Stan.

Stan takes a sip of his coffee, "did you two make our breakfast?" the twins nod, big grins spreading on their faces.

"Yup!"

"The mess hall was empty?" Ford questions, taking a bite of his toast.

"Yeah, though when we were organizing your trays, some cleaning staff came by," Dipper says.

"Yep! They cleaned up some of the milk I accidently spilled, we also told them that the trays were for you!" Mabel exclaims happily.

Stan chuckles, "I guess that might've made their day." Dipper and Mabel giggle in response.

"So, how did you go, was he rough on you two?" Dipper asks, shaking his cramped arms out.

"If he went any longer I might've socked 'em in the face," Stan remarks, clearly irked about Miller.

Ford nods, "I was getting to the end of my temper as well, being interrogated after being tortured by Bill is not one of my best moments."

"Yeah that doesn't sound too jazzy," Stan jokes and the family shares a laugh when someone knocks on the doorframe. They turn their heads to Ocelot standing outside.

"Uncle Ocelot! Hi!" Mabel yells excitedly as she skips up to him.

"Uncle...Ocelot?" Stan questions.

"Did we gain a new family member?" Ford asks.

"No, he's just really nice and he helped us settle in," Dipper replies looking at Ocelot as he crouches down to Mabel's level to talk to her.

"So we did gain a new family member?" Stan says and Dipper shrugs while nodding.

"Quick question, who is 'Bill'?" Ocelot asks, rising from the floor. Stan and Ford look at each other, Dipper and Mabel shuffle their feet.

Ocelot notices this movement, "You don't wanna tell me, huh? I won't keep prodding."

"I like this guy!" Stan says beaming, the children mirror the gesture.

"Would you guys like to come outside? The staff brought out some games, it's supposed to be hot today," Ocelot asks. The Pines family nod their heads. They follow Ocelot out onto the platform to see a bucket filled with water balloons and various other water games. Miller is glaring at everything that moves.

Mabel pokes Dipper in the side and whispers to him, "Grumpy bum."

Dipper giggles in response as said 'Grumpy bum' glares at them. He turns away when Stan gives him a glare to rival his own. Dipper and Mabel swipe a few water balloons as they pass the bucket.

Dipper and Mabel grin at one another, wheel around to face their Gruncles and prepare the catapults, "MYSTERY TWINS, ATTACK!" Stan and Ford only had a millisecond of warning before water balloons explode on their chests. They laugh as they grab some balloons and chuck them at the kids, the platform being filled with the sound of laughter.

"What was the date anyway?" Stan asks, between getting hit.

"You're just in time for the August Staff Birthday, something to lighten the mood a little. Go and enjoy yourself now." Ocelot smiles and shakes his head, going to attend to something else. It dawns on Stan what the date is.


	4. Mission start!

Stan digs his elbow into Ford's ribs to get his attention after they all took a break from the water balloon fight.

Ford looks at his brother, confused as Stan leads him away from the twins, "Stanley, what are you going?"

"Poindexter, it's the twins birthday today, it's August 30th."

Ford pales and looks at the twins, happily talking with the staff and Boss, "I-I don't have any presents for them."

"Neither do I, we are terrible Gruncles, aren't we?" Stan says, looking deflated when Miller limps up to them.

Stan glares at him, "What do you want?"

"It is my understanding that your great-niece and nephew's birthday is today?" he asks.

Ford nods, "yes, what are you getting at?"

"I would like to put them on the field," he asks, raising his hand, "I assure you it's nothing too dangerous, and Boss would obviously be with them."

"Weeeeellllll, maaaaaaybe…." Stan trails off.

"Maybe? We don't even know where this 'Boss' would take them. What kind of birthday present is this?" Ford is clearly having his objections.

"Boss doesn't always go out for days-long missions. Sometimes we have side-operations that only take a few hours of our time. With how quiet and.. tricky your kids seem to be we'd like to put that under a supervised test. Of course it'd still be a real mission, but Boss would be handling things." Miller stands his ground, it would be a good opportunity to get them out of his hair.

"Come on Ford, they've done worse. Need I remind you we just left the apocalypse behind?," Stan seems to be on board, "Is there any way we can watch what's happening?"

"We record everything the Boss hears, but our technology doesn't let us do anything else. Hovering a helicopter over the area would miss the point of the mission." Miller taps his ear, imitating an earpiece.

"Ford?" Stan looks at his twin with pleading eyes.

Ford sighs in defeat, "Fine, but only if we get to listen as well."

"De-"

"We'd like to stay away from that word right now," Ford interrupts and Miller nods, "Very well."

Miller walks across the drying platform to the Twins, who were rolling around in a kiddie pool the staff used to wash D-Dog. He spots the juice dubbed as 'Mabel Juice' and noted the plastic dinosaurs and craft glitter. He pauses, craft glitter? Plastic Dinosaurs? As fast as he could, he limped over to the table and grabs the jug and pours it overboard.

"Uncle Grumpy Bum!" Mabel whines from behind him. He's going to ignore that name.

Miller sets the jug back down and rinses it out, "didn't your parents ever teach you to be careful and not ingest toxic substances?"

"Uh, no?" Dipper answers and Miller pauses, "did you even have parents?"

"We do! They just value intelligence more than personality," Mabel says and Dipper nods sadly.

Miller looks at the twins with a new sympathy in his eyes. He glances at Stan and Ford, "well they seem better suited to raising you than your parents." He jabs a finger in the Gruncles' direction.

"If you listen carefully, I have an offer for you two" he asks the Twins, he swears he sees stars glisten in their eyes.

"What is it?!" Dipper asks excitedly, Mabel mirroring his excitement.

"We may not have any birthday presents, but we can at least put you to use. You seem pretty light on your feet, and I feel the Boss might be able to take you on a day out."

"You mean we get to… what?" Dipper says, not ever recalling knowing what the Boss even did.

"Look around you, all these soldiers should give you a clue. Don't fret, the Boss wouldn't put you in harm's way, but we value quietness and ingenuity. Something even your toxic jug of glitter seems to display." Miller remarks, glancing back at the still glitter-soaked jug.

"Come on Dipdop, if we're going to be stuck here we might as well make ourselves useful. It can't be any worse than what we left behind," Mabel says, a bit of uncertainty tainting her voice. Dipper nods, agreeing with her. Miller is somewhat concerned, what do they mean?

"Talk to Boss when you're ready, and what do you mean?" he asks

"We mean the Weirdmageddon, an insane dream demon broke this rift in space and caused the apocalypse," Dipper answers. They hear a plate shatter, and turn to Ocelot picking up his broken plate.

"That just raises even further questions," Miller remarks. He was not expecting an answer like that, no wonder the family seemed shaken when they fished them up.

"We might tell you more later," Mabel Twins quietly walk up to Boss and tug at his sleeve.

"Hm?"

"Uncle Grumpy Bum said to talk to you to go on a mission," Mabel says to the Boss as her and her brother salute. Fifty separate 'awws' sound across the platform, Stan and Ford grin at their adorable great-niblings. Miller suddenly felt like he wanted to give the Twins a one-armed hug.

"Alright if 'Uncle Grumpy Bum' wants you on a mission, we'll go on a mission," Boss says, standing up, looks at Miller, ' _a test?'_ Miller nods.

"I need to gather some gear for the mission, you'll find your stuff back in your room. Meet me at the helipad."

"Yes sir!" the Twins salute and run off to their room on the command platform.

It didn't take long for Mabel and Dipper to gather their things. The run up to the helipad, startling five staff members as they carry their two items with them.

Boss turns to them, "that's all you're bringing?"

The Twins nod, "yep! You have no idea how useful these two items have been!"

"No I don't, care to explain?"

Dipper shows him a flashlight with a gem attached to it, "this is the shrink-and-glow-light, it helped us get away from Bill in his Fearamid."

Mabel takes out her grappling hook, "This also helped get away from him!," Dipper looks at her, "... and break the window."

"If you don't mind me asking, whose Bill?" Boss asks.

"Bill Cipher, he's the insane dream demon we mentioned to Uncle Grumpy Bum earlier," Dipper informs and he hear's a sharp intake of breath in his earpiece. Boss doesn't press the question as Miller starts to fuss over the kids and apologize to Stanley and Stanford.

"Nevermind that now. Come on, Pequod is waiting." Boss waves them over as the tell-tale thump of a helicopter drones outside. The heli lands and the Twins can barely control their excitement as the blades die down. As soon as the door slides open, Dipper and Mabel practically teleport into the chopper. Boss climbs in after them as they grin.

"Take us away Pequod," Boss says in his earpiece and the helicopter jerks and rises.

"You kids be careful," Stan says over the piece.

"We will Gruncle Stan!" they say.

It's a long, awkwardly quiet ride over. The helicopter is faster crossing hundreds of kilometres than the twins expected, but it doesn't get easier when the man you're working with isn't particularly talkative.

"So uh, Uncle Boss?" Mabel pipes up, a little nervous.

"Hmm?"

"What's the story with that cute little dog that was following us the other day. Are you sure it isn't a wolf?" Mabel looks over at Dipper, who seems to be playing with his tape player.

"Oh, Dee Dee? I found him out in the wilderness, seemed like his mother abandoned his litter. I overhear the staff arguing about that very question… No. It's likely it's not a dog, more of a wolf. Seems to have been born without an eye, too." Boss seemed to have been lost in thought, "Ocelot trained him so I can take him with me in times like this, but I guess you'll be having his place today."

"Do you know where he usually hangs around? I wanna play with him," Mabel asks.

"I'll have a look when we get back, but he usually doesn't hesitate to come over when I return home. For now, we have more pressing matters," Boss goes over to the cockpit, "How much longer Pequod?"

"Are the kids saying are we there yet?" Pequod jokes, "Sorry, 5 minutes Boss."

"You two remember what you're doing?" Boss asks.

"Sort of, Uncle Miller drilled it into our ear over the radio." Dipper reattaches the tape radio to his belt, now suddenly paying attention.

Boss leans forward to speak again, but Mabel cuts in. "It's a standard rescue mission. Go to Di Gwhandi.. di.. Di Ghwandi whatever and find the guy you lost there!" She recites, clearly having paid attention.

"Good, good. Shouldn't be too difficult, just stay out of sight and out of earshot. Just remember, they can hear you. If you're in trouble it's that button, got it?" Boss taps his Call button, the Twins salute in reply.

"We're getting close, open the door," Pequod makes a standard hand signal, "and Boss? Be careful with the kids."

He slaps the button to open the door. A rush of air floods the cabin as everyone shields their eyes from the dust. Boss motions them down as he hops off of the ramp.

He looks back, "everyone's accounted for. Beginning the mission, Miller."


	5. Rescue!

The heat was starting to get bothersome, beating down on everyone's backs. Mabel and Dipper take the moment to sit down, while Boss endlessly fiddles with his equipment.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Dipper asks, Boss finally locating his binoculars.

"We can't just go in blind, just sit tight while I take a look," he says, taking a peek, "seems like a fairly light patrol."

"I can't see, I wanna see!" Dipper gets up, pawing at the binoculars. Boss eventually hands them over.

"Hmmph, I can't see anything. Are you sure there's anyone there?" Dipper keeps looking, missing all of the soldiers.

"Look closer, take everything in. They're camouflaged, you aren't supposed to see them." Boss nudges the binos to the right direction, a look of realisation spreads on Dipper's face.

"Well if we can't see them, how do we get past them?" Mabel shakes her head.

"Follow and learn, stay close." Boss motions for them to move over. Everyone slides down the hillside and into the small ravine separating the town from the road. Mabel's bright sweater isn't the best camouflage, but she somehow manages to avoid being seen.

"Uh, Uncle Boss?" Dipper makes a restrained pointer finger towards a man over the ridge. They're staring right at them. He waves for them to get low and stay put. The tension builds on every boot step, he's definitely seen them.

"Hold on, I got this" Dipper whispers, standing to jump on to the main road.

"Dipper, no!" Boss reaches out to stop him, but it's too late.

Almost like a graceful deer-boy, Dipper grabs a hold of the curious soldier who got too close. He climbs on to his head, covers his face and steers him over the ridge. With a thud, he's put out cold. Boss gives a look of confusion, as Mabel gives a thumbs up.

"Dipper, yes!" she whispers.

Boss shrugs and grabs the victim by his shoulders, "I guess that works," he muses, taking the man out of sight. He gives him a hard thump to wake him again.

The soldier slowly comes to, panicking in Russian when he realises where he is. Boss holds him down and draws his knife, spouting some Russian of his own.

"What's he saying?" Mabel asks quietly to Dipper.

"I don't know!"

He finishes up by choking the soldier out. It seems Boss got what he wanted.

"Aww, poor guy. Did he really deserve that?" Mabel leans over him.

"Don't think about it, he's not dead but we only have so long before he's with us again. Move!" Boss gently grabs Mabel to get her over, following Dipper over the ridge and across the road, ending up behind a wall.

"You don't have to deal with everyone, not always. That one on the light isn't paying attention, again!" Boss chooses the next spot, the Twins quickly catching on.

"You two wait here, I need to get a better look. Stay put, you hear me?" the Twins nod. Suddenly, Boss somehow pulls out a cardboard sheet. He unfolds it and puts it together.

"I-it's a box?" Dipper questions. Boss raises a finger to his lips and gets inside, slowly walking away.

"That man's a genius!" Mabel says, awestruck.

"Where is he?" Dipper questions. Boss has been gone for at least ten minutes with no sign of him. The Twins are starting to get worried.

"Dipper, you heard him. Don't move!" Mabel pleads, grabbing him before he gets up. Dipper gets up anyway, fishing in his pocket. He holds up the Shrink-and-grow Light.

"... Oh." Mabel realises, and stands in front of it.

With a brilliant flash of light, the two shrink to minuscule proportions. It might take ages for them to cross an alleyway, but the plan seemed to work for now.

"My logic is, if we're simply too small they can't see us anyway. Come on, he can't be too hard to spot," Dipper is practically running to get any sort of speed, tugging Mabel along.

Eventually they come across a large cardboard box. Mabel turns her nose up.

"Yup, that's him. No one else smells quite like that in the sun."

They slip in under the crack in the box's opening. They are soon sitting on his back with plenty of room. Without warning, Dipper returns them to normal.

 **!**

"What the-?!" Boss nearly jumps out of his skin.

"Are you done yet? You've been gone a while," Mabel asks, straightening her neck.

"Yeah, sure. Keep up with me, we need to get out of this unseen." Boss presses a button to stop the tape. Was he listening to something?

The two fix themselves and put their feet back down, 'flinstoning' to the nearest wall. Boss pushes the box off, and packs it away.

"Reminds me of old times, hehe." Boss chuckles to himself.

Dipper makes a walking hand motion, shrugging his shoulders, 'where are we going?'.

"That's the building, I'm going to go take care of the others. Call me if you find him." Boss leaves on rather short notice.

"How do we get inside? I don't see any doors!" Dipper asks, but it's too late. Boss is already off causing trouble.

The Twins stay down and wander around the back. Suddenly, Mabel gets an idea.

"Hey, Dipper!" she says, pulling her Grappling Hook from her sweater.

Dipper nods and readies himself, but stops Mabel just before she fires, "I can hear something, don't." He goes over to the window of a building behind them.

"It's just a radio, Dipper. Why are you so paranoid?"

"Because, he'd see us if we kept going."

Dipper was right, another man was sitting at the table staring out the window. It seems he couldn't hear them through the eighties tunes, but he could become a problem. They look at each other and creak the door open.

Mabel gives a grin and pats Dipper to get him to stay put. Slowly crawling over, she wrestles something out of her pocket. A pink bottle glows in the evening sunlight.

"Mabel?"

When he wasn't looking, Mabel pours a little into the can the man was drinking from. She seals the bottle and quickly scurries away, pulling Dipper out the door.

"That wasn't… was it?"

She nods with an even wider grin. Groaning sounds echo from the building next to them. The man stumbles outside, clutching his stomach. He walks right past them and around the back of the building, out of sight.

"I am so glad I never had any of that," Dipper notes, somewhat scared of his sister now.

They get back into position and fire the hook. It grabs nicely into the wall, even managing to support both of their weights.

"Heh, the window isn't even locked" Dipper mumbles, pulling himself in and tugging Mabel over the edge. The room is clear, save for another loud radio. Before Dipper could stop her, Mabel pulls the tape out of it.

"Mabel!"

"What, Uncle Boss might want it." Mabel says, stashing it into her sweater. Dipper takes a look around the room, listening carefully for footsteps. All he can hear is the occasional thump as Boss 'deals with' people outside.

"Dipper, I think we found him!" Mabel almost squeals, being particularly proud of herself. She takes the bag off of the Prisoner's head.

"Huh, what? No, this can't be happening. What did you do to me? Hel-!" The Prisoner panics, before Mabel holds his head.

"We're here to get you out, don't panic, Mister!" she rubs her hands on the wall, blood stains trailing.

"Eww, what did they do to you?" Dipper recoils, The Prisoner looks like he's seen some things.

"I saw things I was never meant to see, that's why you're here right? To finish me off?!"

"No, no no no! Not at all, we just-" Dipper tries to calm him down as Boss enters the room.

"I'm back, what did I miss?"

"Boss, is that you?"

Boss pushes the Twins aside, cutting the Prisoner down from his restraints. The Prisoner laughs to himself quietly, obviously broken from whatever the Soviets did to him.

"Is he going to be okay, Uncle Boss?" Mabel asks, trying to help him get on to Boss' shoulders.

"He should be now, how did you two get in anyway?"

"Uhh," Dipper tries to think how to explain it.

"Grappling hook!" Mabel shouts, Dipper holding her back.

"Mabel, not so loud!"

"Oh, sorry."

Boss shakes his head and gets comfortable with the man draped across his back. He's wearing a Diamond Dogs uniform, obviously one of theirs. Boss carries him downstairs, waiting for them to follow.

"Wait, there's a building I forgot to clear. Look after him," Boss lays The Prisoner down, running off somewhere.

Not knowing what to do with him, Mabel rubs his head, "it'll be alright Mister, he'll be back in a minute."

It isn't long before he returns, holding his nose, "what's with the smell out back?"

"It's a long story, we'll tell you on the way home," Dipper says, looking at Mabel suspiciously. They all begin to walk out of the village.

"I know you told me not to bring it, but if Mabel Juice has that effect on thirty people then one soldier wouldn't be a problem!" Mabel recalls, almost too proud of herself. Boss is fiddling with his iDroid, almost not listening.

A voice crackles into their earpieces, "This is Pequod, arriving at LZ!"

"That would be our ride home, right?" Dipper asks, the familiar droning sound arriving over their heads.

Boss gently throws The Prisoner in, and helps the Twins inside. Clipping on his door-belt, he looks over the area on the way out.

"So, how did soccer practice go?" Pequod jokes, changing the 'close doors' light over.

"Very funny, full speed to home." Boss remarks, shutting the door.

"It's funny, isn't that the town you found me in, Boss?" Miller questions over the radio, not remembering everyone can hear it.

"What does he mean?" Dipper asks. Mabel, feeling a story coming on, sits cross legged in front of Boss.

"We lost everything. Our home, our men, our memories. Miller won't ever let it go. We fight every day, tooth and nail, just to get revenge on Cipher," Boss clears his throat, "as Miller said, we were played like a fiddle, it was too late to stop her bomb."

"Uncle Boss, are you okay?"

Boss freezes, he's not used to almost being a parent.

"Miller lost his leg and his arm on the old Mother Base, he used to be a far happier individual. Now I can't help but feel pity."

"Boss, you didn't have to tell them that." Miller chimes in.

"Nevermind that, check on the prisoner. Is he still breathing?" Boss stands. Mabel goes over and presses on his neck, giving a thumbs up.

"Now, what did you see. Tell me," Boss props him up on a chair.

"The fog," the Prisoner coughs, "it was them, it was Cipher…"

"Yeesh, it sounds like he's talking about a certain triangle," Mabel says, narrowed eyes and wiggling fingers.


	6. I want you two to do something

After they land at Mother base, Boss took his rescued collegue over to the Medical platform as the Twins made their way to the command tower to meet the Gruncles. The door swings open and the Gruncles go down the stairs to meet the twins.

The Gruncles scoop the twins up their arms, "nice job out there kids, you made your Gruncles proud!" Stan says, hugging Mabel as she giggles.

"Thanks Gruncle Stan!" She says as he puts her down.

Dipper sees Ocelot walking down, "hey Mister Ocelot! Did we do OK?"

Ocelot chuckles as he presses Dipper's hat down, "you'll have to ask Miller when he comes down."

Dipper pouts a bit before Mabel tackles him, "don't worry about it brobro, we did a really good job! You kept your sanity intact for three days while you looked for me!"

Her pick-me-up worked and Dipper grins back at her, "thanks Mabel."

"No prob bob!"

A sentimental Miller limps down the stairs slowly and up to them, "you two," he points to the Twins, "meet me in my office when you're ready. Don't panic it's nothing bad."

He turns to the Gruncles, "we'll test you two tomorrow, Boss won't be there to help you but rest assured, it'll be nothing too dangerous."

They nod as Boss walks up to them, the twins bounding up to him, "Uncle Boss! Uncle Boss! How'd we do?!"

He pauses in his tracks as the children hop up to him, he's having trouble at understanding how they can stay so optimistic despite what they've been through. He looks at their grinning faces.

"You did a fantastic job, I didn't even need to get you out of trouble," he gives a thumbs up.

They squeal in delight and he winces, that squeal had to be at a frequency only dogs could hear. The Twins excitedly run back to the Gruncles as DeeDee pads up to Boss. The Pines family head on over to the command platform's mess hall to have dinner with the men.

The Twins are making their way to Miller's office, the Gruncles already went to their room to retire for the night. Dipper knocks on the door, a 'come in' floats through and the Twins enter the office. Two embroidered Diamond Dog emblems sit on the desk.

Miller nods his head towards them, "you performed exceptionally well considering everything, these are your emblems. We unfortunately don't have uniforms in your size."

Dipper picks one up, "you mean we're one of you?"

Miller nods, a smile picking at the corners of his mouth, "for the time being, yes, this means you may be wanted on the field occasionally, within reason of course."

Mabel jumps in place before steeling herself and saluting, "yes sir!"

Dipper follows suit and they exit the office as Miller grins.

The twins make their way to the RnD platform where the textile room is. The Tailor looks up and smiles at them as she gets up. Mabel picks her way through the fabrics as Dipper waits by the door.

Mabel holds up a bolt of blue fabric, "Dipper, is this close to the shade of your hat?"

He snaps to attention, taking off his hat and looking at the fabric, "yep, make it a shade darker, along with your star."

She nods and picks up the next shade. She walks to the lady and asks for the uniform pattern and to borrow a sewing machine. The tailor gives her the items and she walks up to Dipper.

Dipper takes the sewing machine from her to lighten the load, "lets go Mabel."

They walk to a table on the platform and set up shop in the fresh air while they still can. A few of the RnD men notice them. Mabel gets to work flattening the fabrics, marking them so she can cut the pieces out and start sewing. Dipper comes back to watch her sew, calming his nerves. She starts to work on Dipper's uniform first as the men come up to investigate, watching in amazement as this child starts making a professionally well done uniform.

Mabel finishes with Dipper's and starts to work on hers, the men whispering to eachother about her skill. She finishes hers and folds it up, placing it on top of Dipper's.

She stretches and yawns, looking at the time, "whoa Dipper, we should go to sleep. We can wear these tomorrow!"

Dipper nods as some of the men take the spare fabric and sewing machine back to the tailor's for them.

One of the men approaches them, "Y'know, I can take you back the command platform."

The twins grin as they follow him to one of the jeeps and they climb in. He checks to make sure they're secured and drives off, reaching the command platform in good time. The Twins get off and with their new uniforms, head up to their room to sleep. When they enter their room they see a few items on their beds and a note.

Dipper picks it up, reading from it, "They're a little basic but these early iDroids should serve you well while you're here. Mabel, I know you're in to keeping mementos so I grabbed this from Miller's cabinet. He wasn't using it anyway.

Stay safe you two, ~Ocelot"

Mabel picks up the small walkie-talkie-like object, "cool."

Both set their new items aside with their current items and tuck themselves in.

"Goodnight Mabel."

"Goodnight Dipper."

Another day awaits them in the morning...

Early the next morning Dipper groans awake, feeling the car crash in his bones from two days ago. A uniform is thrown on his face.

"C'mon Dipper! Put it on!" Mabel says as Dipper gets up, pulling the uniform down.

Mabel's already wearing hers, her other clothes in a pile by the door. Mabel turns around as Dipper strips down and pulls on his Diamond Dog uniform. It fits snugly. The Diamond Dog patch is on their left shoulder, the pine tree and shooting star on the opposite shoulder on their respective person.

Dipper drops his tattered clothes on top of Mabel's as he adjusts the Shrink-and-Grow-light to his belt. He stretches and groans before heading towards the door, turning to look at Mabel, "come on Mabel, let's go wake Gruncle Stan and Gruncle Ford."

They quietly ran down the hall, Dipper's combat boots and Mabel's gumboots making zero noise across the corridor. They startled several of the men and Ocelot before they make it to the Gruncles room.

The twins knock on the door as Ford opens it, rubbing his eyes and yawning, "good morning children, oh, where did you get those? They look great on you two."

"Thanks Gruncle Ford!" Mabel says.

"Wait, don't you two have your field test today?" Dipper asks.

Stan shrugs, "we didn't get a time so we kinda slept in?"

"That either means our test already started, or we have to go ask Miller," Ford muses as he walks out the room. The Twins run ahead, Mabel's hair leading behind her.

"So Poindexter, what do you think of all this?"

"I think that we should find a way home and beat Bill once and for all," Ford says, rubbing his temples. He didn't get much sleep last night.

Boss suddenly rounds the corner, startling the Gruncles. He walks up to them, "meet me at the helipad with your stuff for your mission."

He walks off without another word, stopping briefly to wave to the twins and they salute in response.

Ford pats his trench coat and his weapon strap, giving a thumbs up to Stan, "I got all my stuff, you?"

Stan pats his suit and takes out his knuckle dusters, "yep, lets go."

They make their way to the helipad with the twins in tow, glancing back now and then to make sure they're following them.

The Gruncles see that Pequod already landed and Boss waiting for them. Stan kneels in front of the kids, "well knuckleheads, see you later."

They climb onto the Helicopter and as it flies off, Quiet appears behind Mabel and starts to brush her hair. Dipper watches her quietly as she pulls Mabel's hair into a bun to keep off her neck and out of the way.

Mabel pats it and smiles at her, "thanks Miss Quiet!"

Quiet smiles at her, standing up and pats Dipper before disappearing again.

"Say Mabel, want to head over to the RnD Platform?" Dipper asks.

Mabel nods, "what reason, Dipper?"

She pouts, "I wanted to watch Gruncle Stan and Gruncle Ford on their mission."

"They'll be fine, I'm sure Mister Miller has a close eye on them. Coming, Mabel?" he asks and Mabel nods, following him to the Platform.

It didn't take them long to reach the platform, the Twins wandering around aimlessly when their codecs crackle to life.

"Your 'Gruncles' aren't the only ones being tested today, can you go back to the large block on platform one?" Miller's voice says through their earpieces.

They look down the bridge and see RnD Platform One towering in the distance, "yeah?"

"See if you can't get deep inside of there without anyone noticing, and bring back one of our 'pets'. I won't tell anyone, and if anyone sees you don't panic. I'll have the dogs muzzled," his voice says over their earpieces and the twins share a look, a grin, before running across the bridge.

They flatten themselves against the railing and Dipper peaks around, "OK so we need to get inside."

"This should be easier to sneak around than the oddpocalypse," Mabel whispers and Dipper nods.

"Right, let's go in Mabel," Dipper says as he runs across the clearing with his sister in tow, the men not noticing them dash inside.

They're quietly walking down the corridor, eyes and ears peeled to watch and listen for the men. Miller's voice crackles, "good, good, go down this corridor then turn left, there's a cart with some items for you two."

The twins turn the corner to a cart with two pairs of small sized knuckle dusters sitting on it. Dipper grabs the gold pair and puts them in the pouch at his leg while Mabel does the same with the pink cameo ones.

"Boss found those on the person of a Soviet soldier, I guess they thought they were going to be funny. He picked them up and thought of you for whatever reason. We're looking into them, but otherwise I think they're totally ordinary," Miller says.

The twins walk along the corridor and Dipper nearly has a heart attack when he spots a triangle shaped patch on the wall. He takes a couple of deep breaths to steady himself before continuing.

Mabel looks at him concerned, "you OK Dipper?"

Dipper nods as they reach the gun room, "yeah, now let's steal a gun."

They both walk around the room, listening for footsteps while they search for the perfect gun to borrow for their test.

"That patch you stopped at Dipper, I'll have the men replace it," Miller says.

Dipper pokes a handgun, "oh, uh thanks Mister Miller."

"If I may ask, Dipper, how did you get your nickname?"

"Oh, from my birthmark on my forehead," Dipper answers.

"May I see it when you get back, if that is alright with you?"

Dipper attempts to pick up a shotgun, "sure."

"Dipper, come look!" Mabel calls softly.

Dipper looks over to Mabel standing next to a large box with the name 'Honey Bee' scrawled on it. Dipper carefully carries the shotgun over and sets it down next to the box. Taking the Shrink-and-Grow-Light from his belt, he shines the pink light on the guns, shrinking them. Dipper grins at Mabel as he puts them in his breast pocket and they head out of the room. They jog down the corridor and back outside, not even alerting the men.

The Twins make it back to the Command Platform to see Miller standing around. They walk up to the crippled man as Dipper takes out the shrunken guns. Miller watches him as he sets them down and changes them back to their normal size.

Miller's at lost for words, they raised no alarms, none of the men noticed them and they managed to get out with two large guns. He's impressed to say the least.

"How'd we do?" Mabel asks and they look at him expectantly.

He looks at the acquired Honey Bee and shotgun, "good, very good."

The wind quickens as Pequod flies in and lands, the door opening and the Gruncles hop out.

Dipper grabs the shotgun and drags it over to them, "Gruncle Stan! Gruncle Stan! I got this for you!"

Stan finishes cracking his back and grabs the shotgun before Dipper could drop it, "geez kid, thanks n' all, but where did you get this?"

Miller steps forward, "I asked them to acquire some items from RnD Platform One."  
Ford raises and eyebrow, "why?"

"I needed see how they would handle getting large objects out of a highly populated area. They passed."

The Gruncles shrug and congratulate the kids as Boss and Ocelot walk up to him.

Ocelot regard the kids with a patient look, "at least they're getting a break from wherever they came from."

Dipper walks up to Miller and flips up his bangs, showing his birthmark to him before walking back over to his family.

Miller watches the Pines family share a laugh and wonders what sort of hell they came from.

"I wonder what level of hell they escaped from," Ocelot says with a whistle.

Miller looks at him, "You just read my mind. How did Stanford and Stanley go?"

"Better than I expected, I was worried that Stanley might alert to their location. It seems that even he knows when to be silent," Ocelot comments.

Boss pats DeeDee, watching the Pines joke around and explain their tests to the others. Stan comments on Mabel's hair, saying that it looks very good on her.


	7. YOU MEAN WE COULD WHAT!

The Twins sat in their room, calmly listening to some music. It has been a week since they found themselves on Mother Base and made themselves useful. Mabel is fitting pictures into her scrapbook, her hair up in a bun again. She asked Quiet to teach her how to make a bun herself. The plan didn't really work out, but Dipper observed well enough to try his hands at it. They were still shaky, but that is easing with time.

"So, Dipper," Mabel says, breaking the silence, "what mission do you think they're going to send us on today?"

Dipper thinks a bit, "I'm not sure, we'll find out eventually."

They sit in the music silence a while longer when Ford knocks on their door frame, "how's my little fighters?"

"We're doing good, just waiting around," Mabel says, closing her photo book.

"Well waiting is over, you two have a scouting mission to Serak Power Plant, is your stuff ready?" Ford says.

The Twins hop up and grab their earpieces, putting them in, walking up to Ford.

"Let's head up to the helipad!" Mabel says as she somehow manages to skip in gumboots.

Ford and Dipper chuckle as they follow her. The Pines family are not aware of what will happen this day…

The twins sat outside the plant with Boss, their own pair of binoculars facing towards the plant.

"The workers here have been complaining about 'mooing' noises coming from behind the plant, why don't you three go in to check it out," Miller says over their codecs.

"Right," Mabel says, putting away her binoculars and sliding down the hill.

Dipper and Boss put theirs away, following her down and across the clearing.

They start ducking around and dodging the men while making progress, the Twins moving quickly and quietly. Boss ended up getting a lesson on being quick and sneaky from them on one mission. He had to remind them that sometimes they can take it slowly, since these are humans they're dodging, not eldritch horrors. They duck behind a rocky outcropping and peek around to the back of the plant. Dipper kept watch while Mabel and Boss look ahead.

"So the are noises come from behind there?" Mabel asks one of the men on the other side of her earpiece.

"It appears that way," Ocelot answers.

"Stop dilly-dallying and move!" Miller orders and the trio remove themselves from the outcropping and move to the canyon. They get in pretty deeply, knuckle dusters in hand for the Twins, tranq gun in Boss' as they scan the canyon. A deep mooing noise rumbles the cliff faces, loose dirt on the ground bouncing.

Boss takes a step back as an enormous Metal Gear stumbles from the gate ahead, screaming it's terrible noise. He grips the Twins shoulders and tries to pull them with him, "It hasn't noticed us yet we need to go!"

It's not working, they're frozen to the spot. Stan's voice yells at him from his codec, "GET THEM OUT OF THERE NOW!"

Boss wasted no time in grabbing the Twins around the waist and bolting away from the Metal Gear.

"Boss, remember it can smell fear. We got what we came here for, don't touch it," Miller says calmly.

"I'm not the one afraid here!" Boss remarks.

Over the codecs, the Gruncles are trying to calm down the Twins the best they can. Boss thinks quickly, "Pequod, I need you to come in hot!"

"Right'o, run down the road a bit if you can," Pequod responds.

Boss looks at the luggage in his arms and notices that they're a bit more coherent, but still shaking their heads, trying to clear something.

"Stanford, if you don't mind I could use a little insight to precious cargo in my arms," Boss asks as he powers down the road, dodging gunfire spraying from behind.

"The noise made them think they were home, I got startled a bit as well. Keep running, get them back here, we've done all we could across the radio," Ford says, panic lacing his voice.

Boss grunts and looks at the Twins, shivering and muttering. He pushes his legs a bit more as he sees Pequod come into view.

As Pequod gets close to a overhill, Boss runs up it and leaps into the chopper, depositing the twins on the floor and slamming the door shut.

"Go! Go! Go!" he says as Pequod quickly gets them out of there. Boss watches the Metal Gear carefully before he breathes a sigh of relief. He turns to the twins, cowering in the corner.

Boss kneels in front of them, "It's...OK, it didn't see us….we'll get you back to your Gruncles in no time."

Dipper looks at him with panic in his eyes, "a-are you sure?"

Boss nods, "we would've known by now if it did."

That seemed to have settled him a bit.

When they got back to Mother Base, Ford leapt to the helicopter and flung open the door, sliding to the Twins and hugging them. The heli lands and Boss hops out as Stan hops in, a very worried look on his face as he goes over to the twins.

"It's OK you two, you're not there, you're safe," Stan says slowly, removing their knuckle dusters and putting them into their pouches.

Ford hugs both of them firmly, rubbing their backs, "deeeep breaths you two, calm down, deeep breaths."

The comfort of their Gruncles seemed to have calmed them as their breathing steadied and Ford wiped their tears clean. They help the Twins off the heli to a sea of concerned faces.

Ocelot steps forward, "we had no idea."

Ford shakes his head, "it's alright, not your fault. If anything, you should blame it on Bill."

"This 'Bill Cipher' seems to be the source of all of your problems," Miller says.

"I could write a 50 page essay on everything he's done!" Stan remarks.

"Try living with him for ten or so years," Ford bickers back.

The Twins giggle a bit at their Gruncles bickering.

"Count me out on that offer!" Stan remarks.

"Yeah, it wasn't fun, I wouldn't recommend being tortured by him either."

"Poindexter, please!" Stan points to the twins.

It clicks, "Oh, right. Sorry kids."

They hug him, "it's OK Gruncle Ford," Mabel says, trying to comfort him.

"Boss, you okay?" Ocelot gives his hand.

"Yeah just, bringing back some bad memories. Is Huey still around?" He's visibly worried, almost as if he was trying to cover something.

Miller comes over, listening in.

"I wouldn't let him go anywhere and you know that," Miller clears his throat, "I've never seen you move so fast, I guess it had you spooked huh?"

Boss gives Miller a look, wiping his brow.

"It's hard to say, but I really don't recommend keeping these guests around. If there's another one of those 'dinosaurs' around, Mother Base itself could be at risk," Ocelot says, trying not to let them hear.

"He's right, we need to get them back home. The only question is how, they aren't even from this year," Miller tries to go over it in his head, clearly missing the solution.

"Wasn't your pet scientist toying with some wormholes in the shed?" Ocelot turns to tend to their guests again, having nothing else to say.

"Huey's working on some upgrade to the Fulton, yes. You're not thinking it might be able to… ?"

"You won't know, Boss, until you ask him."

Boss looks at the Pines family being fussed over by the men. He should bring them to meet Huey, explain their problem.

He calms his nerves and approaches their guests, "gather your stuff and follow me, I want you to meet someone that might be able to get you back to your year."

The Pines family look at him with joy replacing their worry. Quiet disappears for a few minutes and reappears with their belongings, Dipper's hat and Mabel's sweater cleaned. They follow Boss to RnD Platform One and into the building.

Boss reaches a room and opens the door to Huey fixing something. He looks up from his work as they come in, "ah, hello Boss, and Pines."

Ford looks around, "you knew we were here?"

Huey waves his hand, "the men sometimes come in here and talk to me about happenings on the Base."

Stan picks up something, "so you know about our time problem?"

Huey takes the thing from Stan's hands, "don't touch anything, and yes. Luckily this isn't time travel just a bit of time misplacement. Technically, we're the ones in the wrong year here!"

"Possibly from the Gravity Falls Natural Law of Weirdness Magnetism," Ford muses.

Huey blinks a few times, "OK, firstly, that is a terrible name and secondly, yes."

Dipper looks at the thing Huey was working on, "so you can send us home?"

"Well now I can, with this, the Fulton Wormhole Generator!" he says picking it up.

"I've been working it for some time now, I've been putting the finishing touches on it for a week."

Stan stops and turns to him, "are you tellin me, we could have left, whenever we wanted?"

"Eeeh, not exactly, not earlier anyways. I got the idea from the amazing power source I worked out for the Walker Gears and the Salahenthropus, the batteries have enough power to tear a small hole through space just through brute-force electromagnetism" Huey says, not really questioning why Boss seems so eager to send them back, "it's originally so he could send things back to us through ceilings, but I could configure it to send you back to wherever you came from. As soon as you leave, the timelines should un-bind and everything goes back to normal. That is, except what you've already done."

"So this entire base would remember us?" Mabel asks.

"What's a Salahenthropus?" Ford asks.

Boss speaks up from behind them, "that Metal Gear we were running from earlier."

Huey sets the generator on the floor and turns to the Pines family, "I'm only going to do this once, Time travel already gives me a headache, I really don't want to mess with it any more than I need to."

"We can agree with that," Mabel says, remembering the trouble they put Blendin through with their meddling.

Huey gives them some balloons, "you might want to pass on any last messages before you put these things on."

Mabel takes out her photobook, "Mister Nerd, can I get your picture for my scrapbook?"

Huey nods, "my name's Huey."

She takes a picture with him, "thank you!"

Ford turns to the doorway and notices Miller, "hey, Miller, thanks for housing us."

Miller nods, "not at all, it was good break from what we're normally used to. The men kind of needed it."

Dipper spots Quiet and runs up to her, "hey Miss Quiet, thanks for doing Mabel's hair."

She nods and gives him something, a rough diamond cut. She smiles and disappears.

"Right kids, Poindexter, wrapped it all up? I'd very much like to get home and kick a triangle's butt," Stan says, figuring out how to put on his fulton balloon.

"Well I'm ready Stanley," Ford confirms.

"We're ready!" the Twins say.

"If you're ready, put on the balloons. I've already reconfigured the generator to send you back," Huey says.

"Wait, we shouldn't kick them out so hastily without some goodbyes." Miller interrupts, having followed them slowly.

"I'm not one for sappy goodbyes but," Boss readjusts himself, "I'm actually impressed with their ability, and as much as I taught them they taught me a great deal."

"What, about having a little optimism for once?" Ocelot also appears, D-Dog in tow.

"I'm sure whatever they're facing, you're going to be okay, Remember, panicking clouds decisions. Don't do anything too hasty, you hear me?" Miller explains, offering his nugget of advice.

"Yes sir, Uncle Grumpy Bum!" Mabel salutes, looking to Dipper.

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Really, thanks for having us at all." Dipper replies.

"You'd be surprised. The men loved having you around but, guests can't stay forever. Especially in times of danger like this." Ocelot says, waiting for them to be sucked through at any second.

"Yeah well, you look pretty good in your old age." Stan jokes, looking for the release.

"You too. Remember, you aren't done yet." Ocelot remarks, waving them goodbye.

"Go ahead, I'll be sure to keep records of them. Especially on that poisonous concoction of Mabel's." Huey gives a thumbs up.

The Pines pause for a moment, realising just how well liked they were on a strange military base. It's an odd feeling, but they have to let go. With the flick of a switch, the balloons release and the holes open, returning them home in a brilliant flash of light.


	8. An Epilogue

They descend into the forest of Gravity falls, back into their own time. They land on the forest floor, releasing the balloons and hiding them in the bushes. Stan re-adjusts his fez and Dipper adjusts his hat. Ford and Mabel are wearing their coat and sweater over their uniforms.

"We need to make it to the Shack without being noticed by the eyeball bats," Ford says, glancing around. The Twins salute and the Pines family sneak their way back to the shack.

"So huh, how are we going to explain all this?" Stan asks, knowing that two of his employees are going to break his back with hugs.

"Preferably after we beat Bill," Ford says as he knocks on the Shack's door.

The door opens to Wendy staring down at them, "where were you guys?!"

They enter the house and shut the door.

"Yeah, and what's with the uniforms?" Pacifica asks.

"Well we kind of got thrown into another time period by trying to cross the field," Dipper informs briefly.

"We'll regale you with our tale after we beat Bill," Ford says, looking around the house.

Fiddleford steps up holding a piece of paper, "ah have a suggestion."

Ford grins devilishly, "is it to turn the shack into a robot?"

"That we control, that isn't roaring and scaring the ever loving crud out of us? I like it!" Mabel says.

"Haha, doods you look awesome in those uniforms," Soos says.

Ford and Fiddleford are looking over the plans for the Shacktron.

"Let's save the town," Ford says as they get to work.

The rest of the timeline stays true to its set path, the paths of the Pines and that of the Diamond Dogs does not cross. The timeline of Mother Base returns to normal, save for those that remember their little meet up. Both parties are not aware of what will happen in the future.

A-X-O-L-T-L! MY TIME HAS COME TO BURN! I INVOKE THE ANCIENT POWER THAT I MAY RETURN!


End file.
